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Tuesday January 18, 2011 6:04 am

Green Hornet: $40 Million Opening




Posted by Tom Mason Categories: Editorials, Movies

Green Hornet  Photo

Green Hornet's Opening Weekend: $40 Million

-- Deadline Hollywood Daily

Following the $40 million debut of Green Hornet, we at Comix 411 have been fortunate to obtain this recently-leaked memo from [name redacted], a movie executive eager to launch big budget action movies from known properties.

"Thor? Green Lantern? That's yesterday's news! I don't want my tentpole films based on comic books and those graphic novel thingies any more.

"This weekend, the audience for Green Hornet spoke clearly with their wallets about what they really want. And it's movies based on old time radio!

"Apparently there's a goldmine of this radio stuff just waiting for a reboot. My assistant's intern – with the help of his great grandfather and his caregiver - put together a list of potential radio show franchises.

"Lum & Abner: What's a 'Lum'? What's an 'Abner'? I'll tell you what it is – it's two funny guys. Think Will Ferrell and Steve Carell. Or go younger. And bigger. Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Fat people are fat box office.

"The Great Gildersleeve: We could reboot him as some kinda superhero thing. He fights crime with his golden shirt. Like The Cape, but with tailoring.

"Major Hoople: He and his wife run a boarding house. I don't know what that is, but it sounds like a place where a lot of wacky B-list sitcom stars can show up and cause hijinks. Like Rat Race but set in one place. Or Down Periscope.

"The National Barn Dance: Okay, even that one has me stumped, but if we give it to Zaillian, he'll make it work.

"Jack Armstrong, the All-American Boy: Only now he fights terrorists. And maybe his brother is Stretch.

"Don Winslow of the Navy: Think big-screen NCIS. He punches pirates in the face!

"Junior G-Men: It's The Goonies, only they fight crime. With guns. Plus kids work cheap now because they're so many of them.

"Queen For A Day: It's a romcom about a guy who has to dress as a woman for 24-hours in order to win enough money to pay off his debts, but then meets the woman of his dreams. It's 'Tootsie In A Day.' Robert Pattinson's agent's assistant is one of my Facebook friends. We can totally do this one, guys.

"The Sad Sack: A comedy about a guy who can't get laid, so the title is one of those double-entrée things that's kinda dirty. Think 40-Year-Old Virgin meets The Hangover.

"Old Time Radio. Why didn't we think of this before?! It's gold, baby, gold!

"Just tell me one thing. What the hell is radio?"

[Artwork: Green Hornet]

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